I Don’t Like To Be Perceived

I find myself wanting to document every part of my life, but also,  not wanting to be perceived.  I want to touch on both as separate entities, although I know I can document my life without sharing it, but that’s the issue, I want to share it. 

Being perceived while navigating the world can be overwhelming, and when I say “can be” I mean it’s overwhelming all the time. 😅 A person’s gaze, a few tick, tick, ticks, as their irises scan the surface of my skinned terrain. Silhouetted. Really all I ultimately end up becoming in the minds of reflected imaginations scurrying towards the same seemingly delinquent doom, but that’s just a disguise .🥸 I forgot today is October 31st. 

No, I don’t like to be perceived because one’s assumptions about me is similar to the understanding they have about Nature. Thinking of Nature as a park. A place to visit. To sit on it’s grass. Watch as the butterflies and bees prance around not really paying any attention to their prose. The very idea of “Nature” is a perception. I don’t think she is wanting to be perceived either. 

Gay, Male, Non-Gender Conforming, Libra, Two-Spirit, Native, Curandero, Ambivert.

Tree, Grass, Flower, Cloud, Dragonfly, Wind, Pond, Rocks, Bugs, Birds. 

These are all things. Things that make-up something, but we know that a person is not their things, just as much as nature is not her things either. Yet we base, not only each other, but ourselves on these belittling ideologies that we picked up while navigating the paved didactic highways of prophetic roads with signs that are bleached by the Holy Ghost. Simply because in truth, there is no blueprint. 

Now to find empowerment through these terms is possible. But empowerment isn’t an everlasting life, its a fleeting moment. An eclipse, motioning omens, inflicting excitement and curiosity, but nonetheless, gloriously ends. Then the exact same thing that empowered us, dissolves and out comes the next label. To make ourselves feel again. 

So no, I don’t like to be perceived. I will not forfeit my power for someone else, who barely knows themselves, let alone guess who I am within a span of a bias diplomatic glance. But there is a reluctant point ☝️desperate to integrate. The long lost treasure, hidden away by the ancient civilizations of the past. A pronoun extinguished by it’s colonizer “I” ——We.

We see in each other what we see in ourselves. and the things we can’t see in ourselves, we see in others. A simulation grasping for attention. Structured in a make believe notion of blasphemy. For we are only really defined by how open or not open our heart space is. So look at us in this way. The way of the heart. Our heart.